Joshua Dages

Writer

All posts are written by me—a human—with no help from AI. I personally thought about it, made myself chuckle, wrote it down, and edited it… em-dashes, oxford commas and all.

Joshua Dages is a designer, artist, and writer who talks about food incessantly to anyone who accidentally walks by.

The Gumball

Even a gumball can become a symbol for life’s unfairness.

The 90s were known for many great things: DVDs, the Hubble Telescope, and of course, giant gumball machines in every corner of every public spot in America. They were in malls, gas stations, malls, toy stores, malls, and even malls.

Some fast food joints even had them! Which makes complete sense. Done with your burger that has 13 cents worth of actual food in it? Why not wash it down with a colorful sphere made of corn syrup and blackboard chalk that will last a mere 33 seconds before disintegrating but will also somehow chip a tooth!

Which is why my dad, sister and I found ourselves begging my mom for a quarter after our Whopper Jrs and half-filled fries.

Now, I don’t like to sound old, but when I was a kid, giant gumball machines didn’t have spiral slides and flashing lights. You had to wait to open the tiny metal door to see what color you got, the way the gumball gods intended it.

You want a pink gumball? Too bad! BLUE!!

Hoping for a fun purple-y gumball? How about a plain. old. white one! Hahahahaha!!! Life isn’t fair, kid…

And not only is it not fair, it’s brutal.

Which is why, after I got my gumball, and my sister got her gumball, my dad slid his quarter in, turned the knob, and confidently opened up the hatch to find…nothing. Determined, he reached his finger as far back into the gumball portal as he could hoping to find the shy orb of joy, but it wasn’t meant to be. He slowly turned toward us, finger still hooked in anticipation, and looked up with confusion and puppy-dog disappointment. But I’ll always remember that there was also a slight twinkle of humor in his eye that still makes me laugh to this day.

Of course being ripped off by a gumball machine has happened to everyone, but now, whenever I’m with my mom or sister and something goes unexpectedly, you can be sure that one of us will laugh, curl our finger and act like we’re fishing a gumball out of a machine.

Because what is life, if not day-after-day, simple, stupid, gumball luck…

BLUE!!

Joshua Dages